you know,when you feel like crying yourself to sleep & you dont know who to turn to or rather have no one to turn to,it makes you wonder about the existence of your loved ones,the purpose of life & why some things just keep repeating itself.
when you get really frustrated because your dad just doesnt understand you.
when he keeps assuming stuffs that are really not true.
when he vents his anger towards you by the silliest ways an adult is still capable of.
when he starts snubbing you.
when you start feeling invisible even in your own home.
why is it that everytime i dont follow the family to either eat out or just spend some time outside,i'd be accused of being embarrassed of going out with the family & not wanting to spend quality time with them?
i DONT do that on purpose.pls.it's not that i dont want to go out with the family.sometimes i just dont feel hungry,or i need to finish up my school work.i AM NOT or WILL EVER BE embarrassed about going out as a family.WHY WOULD I?he makes me seem like an anti-social,unappreciative daughter who hates her family.things like,"kau jgn ingat kau dah besar panjang,dah pandai,tak payah nak gaul dgn family lagi eh."it hurts you know.it really hurts that i cant even explain all this to my parents or rather my dad,because he just doesnt want to listen sometimes.he'll say im being rude.then i'll just shut myself out of everything & try to swallow what he says.i'll just listen.do you know how long i've been keeping all this inside?it's hard not to start tearing up when typing this entry.& it's even harder to put it out there in the open for literally THE public to see.i dont understand why im even doing this.i dont.call me stupid for all i care.i love my family.&i love my parents.blood is always thicker than water.i wont curse & swear.i'll just hope & pray that he comes around & forgives me for whatever hurt i've caused him,whether intentional or not.it kills me inside that my dad,who's closer to me than my mum(gosh i love my mum equally),isn't talking to me.maybe a few words here & there but that's about it.you know how i feel right now?i feel disowned.like a stranger to her own home.gosh.maybe im being too emotional right now.WELL I SHOULD BE.you don't know what's constantly on my mind.these things are just too important.it's not only about family.it's something else.everyone needs closure right?i think that i have a right to know.i have a right.so YOU.can YOU please do me a kind favour & tell me what i need to know?dont leave me hanging.dont act as if nothing's happened.dont hide from me.dont.running away will definitely NOT help.i can assure you.for as long as i dont know,my mind wont be at peace.as happy as i may seem, the heart's burning inside.

with that,i'll take my leave.
goodbye for now.

9:48 PM ·