always.

Monday, April 30, 2007

you know,when you feel like crying yourself to sleep & you dont know who to turn to or rather have no one to turn to,it makes you wonder about the existence of your loved ones,the purpose of life & why some things just keep repeating itself.
when you get really frustrated because your dad just doesnt understand you.
when he keeps assuming stuffs that are really not true.
when he vents his anger towards you by the silliest ways an adult is still capable of.
when he starts snubbing you.
when you start feeling invisible even in your own home.
why is it that everytime i dont follow the family to either eat out or just spend some time outside,i'd be accused of being embarrassed of going out with the family & not wanting to spend quality time with them?
i DONT do that on purpose.pls.it's not that i dont want to go out with the family.sometimes i just dont feel hungry,or i need to finish up my school work.i AM NOT or WILL EVER BE embarrassed about going out as a family.WHY WOULD I?he makes me seem like an anti-social,unappreciative daughter who hates her family.things like,"kau jgn ingat kau dah besar panjang,dah pandai,tak payah nak gaul dgn family lagi eh."it hurts you know.it really hurts that i cant even explain all this to my parents or rather my dad,because he just doesnt want to listen sometimes.he'll say im being rude.then i'll just shut myself out of everything & try to swallow what he says.i'll just listen.do you know how long i've been keeping all this inside?it's hard not to start tearing up when typing this entry.& it's even harder to put it out there in the open for literally THE public to see.i dont understand why im even doing this.i dont.call me stupid for all i care.i love my family.&i love my parents.blood is always thicker than water.i wont curse & swear.i'll just hope & pray that he comes around & forgives me for whatever hurt i've caused him,whether intentional or not.it kills me inside that my dad,who's closer to me than my mum(gosh i love my mum equally),isn't talking to me.maybe a few words here & there but that's about it.you know how i feel right now?i feel disowned.like a stranger to her own home.gosh.maybe im being too emotional right now.WELL I SHOULD BE.you don't know what's constantly on my mind.these things are just too important.it's not only about family.it's something else.everyone needs closure right?i think that i have a right to know.i have a right.so YOU.can YOU please do me a kind favour & tell me what i need to know?dont leave me hanging.dont act as if nothing's happened.dont hide from me.dont.running away will definitely NOT help.i can assure you.for as long as i dont know,my mind wont be at peace.as happy as i may seem, the heart's burning inside.

with that,i'll take my leave.
goodbye for now.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

first day of school.
one word.STUPENDOUS(:
haha!
but then during my maths lecture,these two 'repeats' sitting behind me were being super irritating.they couldn't keep their massive gabs shut & they irritated the crap out of me.GOSH.i felt like turning around & telling them off.bloody hell...hah.
anyhoos,school was gerek lah.heh.
OH!& nazreen,my super funny indian-muslim classmate was mistakenly called Letchmi by one of our lecturers.LETCHMI!HAHA!kekek mann i tell you!i laughed like nobody's business & for the whole day i called her Letchmi,since she ALWAYS disturbs me with mus.lol.that girl is extremely hilarious.she made me laugh so hard today till i cried & my tummy hurt.LOL.
let me see if i can rmb all my classmates' names...
fuanni
nazeerah
nazreen
mus
melrick
jocelyn
jason
raymon
grace
samantha
dennis
stephanie
aloysius
alvina
zoey
glenn
alvin
adelina
siew ming
june
phyllis
stanley
crystal
agnes

HAHA!my class has LOADS of superstars i tell ya!
let me name them okay...
agnes MONICA
glenn FREDLY
zoey TAY
phyllis QUEK
stephanie SUN

LOL.
no lab or tutorials tmr but i have to attend this ICT workshop & plagiarism seminar from 1-4pm.
need to get that lab coat TMR too.gaaah.
oh yes & my O's cert.
anyhoos,i'll update tmr insya'allah.
till then...
take care loves(:

Monday, April 23, 2007

i miss crestwinds.i miss my saxy baby.gaaaah!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

someone said,"make the most out of the life that God has given you & do be thankful of what you have and get."

aaahkayy...it's easier said than done eyy friend...
whatever.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

yesterday's final day of orientation was fun.followed by the regatta & jam&hop.
woahh.i get goosebumps just by mentioning these SUPER awesome events!haha.
so i came with YW at around 9a.m then we assembled at the TCC.now i know what it stands for.Temasek Convention Centre.HAHA!so anyway,everyone from the Applied Science(AS)School changed into our LIME GREEN school tshirts.LIME GREEN TAU!MY FAVE COLOUR!haha.the OLs put on a skit for us & it was entertaining+informative.then we did some more practice of our cheers back at the LT.everyone was so hyped up about the competitions that the cheering was SEMANGAT-LY done i tell ya!haha.i screamed like CRAZY lah yesterday & it was a WHOLE day event some more.&now my voice sounds a bit deeper & rougher.so manly...macam katak ah.LOL.so then it was the telematch.we from the AS school have like the least number of freshies.engineering school who sat beside us had 4times the number of freshies.IMAGINE THAT!& everytime they start cheering,all you can hear is like this deep manly voice.'coz most are guys!haha.it was really colourful at the stadium.design sch was in turqouise,AS in lime green,engineering in purple,business in yellow & IT in blue.then the telematch started.my school got 2nd place despite the slow start okay?we were screaming&cheering like mad people lah!we even overpowered the design & engine sch.HAHA!our cheers are all super nice.but the main cheer is the HEY AS cheer.you sing along to the dikir barat tune & all of us did the hand actions too.it was SUPER COOL lah to see the movements together...NICE.the next game was the BAMBOO SKI game.our girls team left the rest by A MILE!!they literally zoomed past while the rest were still struggling at the starting point.HAHA!WE WENT CRAZY I TELL YA!i kept jumping up&down screaming&waving my hands in the air like nobody's business.HAHA!but then everyone was doing that too lah.heh.& then it was the boys' turn.we were behind the rest at first but then we caught up & we were leading,right until they lost momentum & the engine sch got ahead of us.but we as AS freshies NEVER give up & so we were like neck&neck with engine.but then we got 2nd.my school was EXTREMELY EXCITED & PROUD of them so we cheered like MAD.haha.then it was the CATERPILLAR CHAIRS game.again,we had a slow start but then caught up & finished FIRST!BLOODY HELL I WAS DAMN EXCITED I TELL YOU!!right after that,the team from AS spontaneously ran ard the track with the AS flag.OMGOSH WE CHEERED LIKE HELL.haha.lastly it was the MOONBALL game.& yes we got FIRST AGAIN!AAAAAAAAAHHH!!haha.so we knew the championship trophy for the olympiad was already in our hands.aper lagik?WE SCREAMED AGAIN AH!haha.
after that was the regatta.everyone walked to the nearby bedok reservoir & sat around it.& again we were sandwiched by 2 bigger schools;engine&design.haha...our dragonboat teams got 3rd for girls,2nd last for boys & the rest of the placings i dont know 'coz i couldnt really hear the emcee & it was hard to see the flags from far.so yeah.i guess we were already darn tired from screaming during the olympiad,so i knew we couldnt get that BEST SPIRITED SCH trophy 'coz judging only started during regatta.heh.oh then it was our team's turn to perform for the judges.i dont understand why the other schools had more dancing than cheering in their items 'coz it'a A CHEERING COMPETITION.& obviously WE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY FOR THE BEST CHEER!SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!haha.we snatched that away from design who won it last year!!our item was the dikir barat cheer.& all of us from AS sch sang along & did the actions with them who were up on stage.PHENOMENAL!im getting goosebumps right now.HAHA.then they finally announced the BEST SPIRITED SCH & business got it.'coz their school had THE MOST NUMBER OF FRESHIES.haha!but then they were a supportive bunch.heh..so yes as you can see(or read...HAHA.)my SUPERDUPER GEREK A.S SCH WON 2/3 TROPHIES!SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM AGAIN!!!haha.SEMANGAT KE-PIGELATO-AN LAH!!(inside joke ah.heh...)habis semua kiter gondol!LOL.went back to LT for admin stuff(get timetable&matriculation card).surprisingly i teared a little.i didnt expect myself to get emotionally attached to the school,the OLs,my VICE-CAPTAIN(haha)& everyone involved lah.nicholas' words really touched my heart & im sure the rest were also touched.&my OL Dina won the BEST OL for our 'SHIP'.YAY DINAAA!!took pictures,sang & cheered for hopefully not the last time.hai...i'll rmb all this till the day i die.oh then after that i met up with tasha for jam&hop.my cousin ALIF& his cousin SYARIF were performing so tasha&i came down to support.IT WAS SOME CRAZY SHIT I TELL YA!haha.they performed 2 songs.HOT TONIGHT & GIMME THAT.we screamed for them like nobody's business.& it was pretty obvious that the other girls were screaming too.maklumlah,we have cousins blessed with good looks(:HAHA!heartbreaker lah.so then tasha&i left after their performance coz i was DARN EXHAUSTED after a whole day of screaming.we didnt dance 'coz we decent girls DONT dance.HAHA!we were at the sidelines,screaming&supporting them.woots!yeah so that's about the KICK-ASS ORIENTATION WEEK i had!I WOULD GLADLY DO ALL THAT AGAIN!hell yeah baby!!haha.
sorry for the super long entry.got carried away ah...heh.

iloveA7B2&iloveINTERCEPTORS&iloveAS.
<3

take care lovelies.
toodles(:

Thursday, April 19, 2007

BACK!
i had a 4hour sleep just now & it didn't even feel like 4hours.haha...
im all clean & fresh.i made sure i scrubbed & cleaned every inch of my body because my whole class didnt have the opportunity to shower,after a whole night of activities & bathed in sweat!HAHA.campfire started at about 9pm then we had some games,cheering sessions & also a buffet for dinner.we mass-danced & chicken-danced for the later part of the campfire but it was SUPER fun.then we had a VERY long caterpillar line going around the campfire.everyone was randomly scattered everywhere after running around,so most of us had to have new dance partners when the music started.i turned to whichever guy was near me,whether i knew them or not & offered to dance with them.'coz girls had to partner up with guys.it was nice lah,but then after running around,everyone was all so sweaty.so imagine having to hold your partner's sweaty hands.urgh...haha.then i got teased by my friends just because i partnered my classmate,this malay guy named MUS.that wasn't intentional okay?he just happened to be the last guy partner-less!haha.so yeah...after the campfire,we proceeded to the TCC.i dont know why they call it the TCC but then it was basically at the convention hall.then we were briefed on the next activity,which was the GOLD RUSH.something like the amazing race.we had to run to different stations,complete a task & earn gold coins.i was kinda excited at that point of time even though i knew it was gonna last THROUGHOUT the night.we started at 11pm & ended at 3am.POWER RIGHT?hurhur...but it was SUPER fun lah.we had to climb up dark staircases in pairs & search for objects,blow pingpong balls out from a tray full of flour,complete an obstacle course BLINDFOLDED with your team,put your hand into containers of unknown crawly thingys & grab fruits BLINDFOLDED,drink this weird blend of fruits,seperate big FAT mealworms from TINY rice grains(yikes!) & many more lah.GELI SEH!haha.OH & i bumped into my cousin ALIF ABDULLAH at 3am in the morning at school.HAHA!he was going to have a shower.he said he was having his design school's cheer practice so that's why he was there.it was nice bumping into the cousin(: so after completing our last task,we headed back to TCC at about 3+am.we sat & waited for the rest of the teams to come.mind you,it was the WHOLE APPLIED SCI SCH'S freshies that we had to wait for.everyone started coming in within the next hour or so.so then there was the debriefing,the toilet breaks & the cheers.after all that hoohaa,we got back to our class rows & waited again.lol.our Orientation Leaders,or FIRST MATES as they refer to in pirates' terms(our orientation was this pirate theme),said that the toilets were gonna be jam-packed.so as a class,we decided on NOT bathing & playing games THROUGHOUT the night.crazy shit i tell you...i didnt think i could last but then i only got real sleepy at ard 7am when we assembled back in our Lecture Theaters.so from about 3.30+-7am,we played games & talked & joked.haha...played the limbo thingy,concentration game,that hunter & squirrel game & many many more lah.oh yes!nicholas,our groups OL & our "ship's" vice-captain is a real cutie pie i tell ya.HAHA!& he was a damn funny guy.i shan't say more lah...heh.so back in our LTs,everyone was DEAD tired.so nicholas played some funny videos on youtube.he switched off the lights so anyone who wanted to rest could do so.i could no longer open my eyes so i used my bag as a pillow & dozed off on the table.that almost-1hour nap was MUCH NEEDED.haha.almost everyone dozed off.then at about 8.30am,we had our breakfast.the pastries were already hard & cold lah.tapi telan ajer...haha.then we went back to the LT to get our bags.while we were de-briefed,YW called me & said he wanted to go home first 'coz he was DARN exhausted already.he sounded so kesian so i told him to go lah.i thought i was going home alone,but then when i boarded the bus,i felt someone poking my arm.it was YW lah!haha.so we ended up going home together.HAHA!
gosh this entry is long.lol.
& so,that was my camp.
tomorrow's the big event.the much-anticipated REGATTA!all schools in TP will be competing in many different events i.e dragonboat,cheer comp,telematch& so on...
it's gonna be exciting!then they're gonna end it all off with JAM&HOP later in the evening.sounds fun right?but i doubt i'll be coming for JAM&HOP 'coz im SO NOT the groovy,dance-y,hip person.LOL.but if all my classmates will be coming then i MIGHT come too.then i'll just stand at the back with the not-so-'maju' people like me(HAHA!) & just clap along to the music lah.we'll see how(:

till further updates...
LIYANALOVESYOU<3

just got back from camp.
EXHAUSTED.
had activities the WHOLE night.
will be catching up on sleep NOW.
will update later at night.insya'allah.
BYE(:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

hey all(:
i'll be leaving for the orientation camp later at abt 4.15pm.
will be meeting YW & then we're off.
but i MUST rmb to apply for my new ezlink card lah deng.i ALWAYS forget..hurr...
anyways,im not gonna blog everything about yesterday's orientation but i just have to say it was really fun(:
the weather was really funny though.one minute it was really hot,humid& sunny...then the next minute it was all cloudy.& then it rained.but we still continued with our telematch.im in class A7B2 btw.they're all very fun people!& of course i made lots of new friends.HAHA..
but then i have to tell you guys this.
we were at our 2nd game.it was called the AMOEBA(sp?)RACE ...
basically the whole class had to stand inside the rope,in a circle,then the rope will be tightened.
stuffs were scattered everywhere on the field & we could only use our feet to pick it up.once it's off the ground,then we're allowed to use our hands.SUPER CHAOTIC i tell you!haha.at 1st we were moving at a moderate pace,coz if someone trips,you'd have to start all over again.but then when we saw other teams getting ahead of us,the guys in front started to scramble & PULL everyone forward.i was at the back so i was literally clinging onto the person in front of me so that i wont fall.everyone was stepping on each others' shoes& the girls kept screaming for them to slow down.SUPER FUNNY I TELL YA!then we finally reached the finishing line.we got there 1st but then we collected only a few items.but we still managed to clinch 3rd.
AND THEN KANN...HAHA!this guy named MUS,wanted to lead us on a cheer.i guess he was so hyped up that he cheered for the wrong class!LMAO.
the class competing beside us were A7A2.& so this MUS guy was like..."A2 OOOIIII....A2 OOOOIIII..."maybe we were still too excited also that we didnt realize he called out the wrong class so we replied lah.then halfway everyone was like,"eh?i thought we're B2?then why we reply??"LOL.I AUTOMATICALLY LAUGHED MY HEART OUT UNTIL MY TUMMY ACHED!haha.that MUS guy was so paiseh-ed but he quickly changed the cheer back to OUR class.LOL...the funny people you meet at school(:

&that is all(:
i'll update more once i get back from camp on thurs at abt 11a.m.
take care loves!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

taufik hidayat,my badminton hero(:
he's playing his final match against China right now.
I HOPE HE WINS!

GO TAUFIK!!

here are pics from the malacca trip...
sorry for the late update y'all...heh.

http://s160.photobucket.com/albums/t189/madasa15/malacca%20trip/

lovelove,
LIYANA(:

Thursday, April 12, 2007

hey.
i was too tired to blog about syf yesterday,so pardon me for the late update.
& so,the band got bronze.
yes,some of you might be thinking,"what?!bronze only??"
well you should've been there yesterday.then you wouldn't be giving such remarks.
to crestwinds, A JOB WELL DONE PEOPLE!
i am SUPER proud of all of you!!
sunrise:that was the best one i've ever heard so far.& you guys sounded SO much better than any other time it was played.SERIOUSLY!the opening was GREAT.you guys sounded pretty clean i must say.& most importantly,you guys WATCHED THE CONDUCTOR.YESSS!haha.
& i have to say,i am SUPERDUPER PROUD of the saxophone section!i can safely say that almost everything i pointed out & the little scribbles here&there on your score sheets, were followed((: ooooh im a happy HAPPY girl(:
& the rest also did superbly well!the clarinets did their running notes cleanly & still kept the tempo constant.great job you guys!!the french horns also did very well...most of their notes were in tune & the soli was nicely played together with the saxes.& the cornets!wow!that was some confident playing!it was really good(: & not forgetting the rest of the sections too!everyone played their parts well.that was REALLY an INCREDIBLE effort i must say.KUDOS!!

montevallo celebration:the opening was FANTASTIC!!seriously!haha.cornets gave a very convincing opening.the volume was just nice & the dynamics were great!both the soli parts were tight.it was really nice(: again the saxes followed almost everything i pointed out.YOU GUYS LISTENED TO ME!haha...it was superbly done okay?all the running notes could be heard clearly & cleanly,everyone watched the conductor,the dynamics were GREAT,there was hardly any slowing-down,intonation was okay& i could only hear 2 or 3 squeaks throughout the entire performance.but it wasnt that obvious,except for one.during montevallo...

but apart from that,everyone did superlyduperly great!
as soon as the band stepped out to take their seats,i was already uber excited.the rest of the seniors too!haha.we couldn't wait to clap!lol.i was at the edge of my seat for the entire performance & squeezing cheryl's hand.when you guys started sunrise, i couldn't stop smiling already.it was the best ever & i was close to tears.cheryl too!we were reaaaally proud of you guys.seriously!we were shrieking & squealing & jumping up&down from our seats.HAHA!she was SUPER happy with how the flutes performed.& i was super happy for everyone on stage!!
& then when montevallo was played,ohmygosh.that totally blew us away!it was THAT good.& again i was close to tears.NO!i was already tearing up.HAHA.& throughout the entire 10min you people were on stage,my hands were shaking.they were SHAKING!haha.& my heart was beating so hard& so fast!haha...i was relieved as soon as the piece ended.GOSH!it was amazing!cheryl & i were already jumping & squealing again!i couldnt tahan anymore so i let out a quick "woooo~GO BAND!!"lol.marlina was a cool cat.but she was still superlyduperly excited too!!haha.the seniors were very pleased with the performance & we agreed that no matter what the outcome, you guys were still winners.the medal didnt matter at all because it was an INCREDBLE effort!we're so proud of all of you!!i honestly felt that a silver was in our reach but then...hai...still,it doesnt really matter we got bronze.all that matters is that you guys have done your best.so there's NOTHING to be ashamed of.everyone should be proud of their achievements!WOOTS!
it was really a pleasure working with the band once again,especially the saxes((: gosh im really about to cry...& for the sec4s&5s,i hope you guys leave the band with your heads up high & with lots of memories,whether bitter or sweet(: to the juniors,keep working hard okay?make sure you guys keep the momentum going.it's great that mr leung's gonna arrange public performances at the end of this year.THE FUTURE OF THE BAND DEPENDS ON YOU!haha.i do hope you guys take sectionals seriously & make sure the sec1s are taught properly.& i mean PROPERLY!
OH!i hope there was enough candy to go around.hmm...but i think i owe some of you.aaah yess...the tuba sectiom.FRIDAY OKAY??insya'allah...(:

& so,i'll leave with a quote from JOEL KOH,our bandmajor...
"it's okay...we are a bronze band,with a GOLD heart..."
everybody go 'aawwww...'
HAHA!
toodles sweeties!
lovelove((:

Thursday, April 05, 2007

heyy((:
i'll be going away for 3days.
with my aunts,uncles& cousins to malacca.
balik kampung beb!!
HAHA.
insya'allah, i'll be back with more updates soon.
& pictures hopefully...

malacca,here we come!!

take care lovelies.
au revoir(:

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

so today...
as usual.band...(:
OH!mr azhar remembers my name!((:
like TOTALLY!haha.
it's a BIG deal okay?
for a girl who used to sit attentively in his history classes without fail.
when i was in sec1 lah.
haha.
& get amazed everytime he steps into the classroom with such confidence.
he has sucha presence ya know?
haha.
so anyways...
to nizam:eh buddy!if you're reading this,you better get some rest.& i mean a PROPER rest.you looked darn sick just now.i was really getting worried.seriously...SYAF!take care of him ah.haha(:
to joel(though i doubt you'd be reading this):RELAX MY FRIEND.RELAX...you're always SO tense.i know syf's like in a few days time,but then RELAX!haha.
to rau:dearest rau,dont think abt all this too much okay hunn?you NEED a break...

& to CIO,
ALL THE BEST FOR SYF TOMORROW!
DO THE SCH PROUD OKAY!!

i got the syf ticket from mr leung already.
& the schedule for the day of competition.
hoho.

you know,when i see you,i feel like running to you & giving you a super tight hug.&then dont let go.HAHA!
but FAT HOPE baybeh!
fat hope...
lol.

goodbye for now(:

OH YES ONE MORE THING!
Linkin Park's new track is already out.
it's called WHAT I'VE DONE.i think...heh.
& the video is cool.
really cool.
it's like SO true.
gosh.
hahs.

toodles!

Monday, April 02, 2007

im tired.
just got back from SCH abt an hour ago.with the band...
marlina cried again.i feel so sad...
& yes i AM worried.
& to heman my friend:dont stress yourself up too much buddy.i know you wouldnt want a bronze.who would??just do your best on 110407 okay?much love(:
work hard crestwinds.
after sacrificing your holidays,staying back late every tuesdays & fridays,working yourselves to the bone at night during band camp,im 100% sure you guys would want it all to be paid off.with at least a SILVER.
honestly,just now was bad.you guys sounded a mess.
but i understand that all of you had a long day at sch.
i hope i've been helpful & supportive.not just a familiar face appearing every band pract.
c'mon guys!the teachers believe in you,I believe in you,marlina believes in you,mr goh believes in you & many others who have been very supportive.
i cant stress this more but just TRY YOUR VERY BEST & HOPEFULLY EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE.
i wanna see smiles when you guys come back after the results,regardless of the outcome.
because all that matters is for every single one of you to put in the extra effort.
smile okay?(:

now for the other part of this entry...

i've tried.
i've tried so hard to distract myself.
to direct my attention towards something else.
& to stop thinking about it.
to stop wondering...to stop searching for answers.
i've kept myself really busy for the past month or so.
i thought it would at least help.
i thought.
i've poured everything out,penned them down.
& you've read all of it.
i've cried a few tears...
maybe this is what Allah has been trying to tell me.
maybe THIS is what's meant to be.
maybe i shouldnt have.
maybe i should.
or maybe...just maybe...
i should've listened to ____.
astaghfirullah...
no point crying over spilt milk.

Ya Allah, i pray for guidance & strength to get through this.
amin.

anyway,im famished but it's aready late at night.
looks like i have to tahan till tomorrow to eat.
heh.

oh one more thing.
just a gentle reminder...
pls do tag if you've read or dropped by okay?
thanks(:

till the cows come home...

Sunday, April 01, 2007

my horoscope reading for today...

Something you thought was vital is going away -- but you're better off without it.
Something that you thought was vital to your happiness is leaving your life, but this doesn't mean you're in for some blue times. All it means is that you're in for a transition -- and it will be a lot more pleasant than you fear, especially since you have a very friendly person in your life who will be happy to help you through it! Why not make it fun to learn how to get along with something (or someone) you thought was so important. As it turns out, you're fine without it.

(: